Coffee over Competition

Some things have been on my mind lately as I just finished one of my favorite books Girl Code by Cara Alwill Leyba. First off, if you don’t own this book YOU NEED IT! (along with all of Cara’s other books, which are amazing). It has some of the best advice, and quotes to live by- for women. Girl code focuses on success, sanity, and happiness.. something we could always use a little reminder about every once in a while. Although girl power has always been in the back of my brain, I found it weighing a little heavier on my mind once I began modeling and using social media under a larger public light. From booking shoots, to being sent products, I began to notice a sense of competition from some people, and even myself. There were people that were happy for me, and there were people who sat back and cringed every time I opened a new package. I would do a photoshoot, and then I would notice someone else did something extremely similar- and it would rock my boat a little. What I learned to teach myself is coffee over competition. What does this mean? Girls like myself work very hard to do what we do, and we are all working towards a common goal. We shouldn’t be competing against each other, but instead befriending and supporting each other. Now this doesn’t just apply to modeling, or social media. This happens daily at work, in school, at sports, even with our own friends. When we see someone being successful, our first instinct is to question ourselves. We all want what someone else has.

“I wish I had a better metabolism. But someone else probably wishes they could walk into a room and make friends with everyone like I can. You always want what someone else has. If you learn to appreciate the women out there who are doing amazing things, you open a world of possibility for yourself. Stop wasting your energy hating on another female, and instead send her love. The moment you do this, I can guarantee you will feel a shift in your bones that is almost indescribable” 

This is one of my favorite quotes from this book. No matter what you have in life, you are always still going to compare it to what someone else has. I was guilty of doing this before I realized it is a complete waste of time and energy. There was a local model I always had my eye on. She was doing different shoots weekly, producing amazing work, and had an amazing bubbly personality that everyone gloated about. I had never once met her in person, but I immediately wanted to come to a conclusion that I did not like her based on the opinions of some other people. However, I immediately knew this was wrong- and decided to reach out to her for coffee. After congratulating her on her success and having a very long conversation, I came to find out we actually had a lot in common. To this day, we still talk daily and I can consider her a good friend, where we both mutually support each other. What I find extremely life changing, is spreading positivity instead of harboring negative feelings. When I scroll past a picture of something someone accomplished or received, and feel that little sense of jealousy running through my bones (which is human)- I send love. If you see a picture of someone and think wow she is gorgeous.. Let her know! If someone accomplished something amazing or is just rocking at life- let them know! I promise you, it won’t kill you. (and it won’t only boost them but you as well).  They may even turn out to make a great friend! Always remember, insecurity competes, confidence empowers. The best kept secret of all? There’s enough to go around for all of us.

Buy her book here: Buy book 

My favorite quotes from this book:

“When you believe there is enough to go around, why wouldn’t you want to celebrate someone else’s success?”

“I find that celebrating women and giving compliments to random, female strangers on a daily basis helps me appreciate the hustle of a woman just trying to do her best.”

“The next time you see a woman doing her thing and achieving results, I want you to first and foremost send her love and, second, I want you to imagine something amazing happening for yourself. Use that positive energy she has created and fuel your own fire with it- even if your goals look totally different.”

“The problem occurs when we allow jealousy to fill us with negativity, paralyze us, and stifle our own success.”

“Rather than secretly stalking the person you want to be, why not befriend her? By reaching out to her, you immediately put yourself on her level, removing any tensions or thoughts that she’s better than you in some way. Send her an email, or leave her a positive comment on her social media congratulating her on her accomplishment.”

“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.”

 

2 thoughts on “Coffee over Competition

  1. ken. You give such good advice, and I honestly thank you for having a blog, you have helped me change my life and realize so much in life. As I’m sure you have helped other girls. I think your next blog post should be a relationship one! A lot of girls struggles with relationships and I think some girls need some good advice, including my self.

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    1. Bailey, I would love to do a relationship blog however the topic is just so broad to write about! Is there specific advice you are looking for regarding relationships? That would really help me cater to a better topic. Thanks so much for your kind words. I hope you continue to enjoy my blog!
      Best,
      Ken

      Like

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